i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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