Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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