She's JV to your varsity
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
