3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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