tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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