I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
home. puking in laundry basket.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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