But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
