THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
