Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
