we're chasing vodka with high fives
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
