Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
