I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
