Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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