Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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