Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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