I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
