my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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