Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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