Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
