Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
