one might say we're banned from that church
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
