Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
