If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
