I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just gift wrapped bread.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
