I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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