Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
