My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
