yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
