Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
