I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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