I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
