handjob tips. give me some.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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