Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
