So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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