And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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