Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
