I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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