Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I still have a little drunk in my system
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My bed smells like the plague
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
