Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
