Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
