I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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