There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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