I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
