So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
