i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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