I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
