I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
