if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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