You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
