We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
