This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
