what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
