I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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