if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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