so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
