I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
