i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
