Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Green mimosas i think yes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
