So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Princesses don't give blow jobs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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