dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
