I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
