My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i out mim tonsoeep
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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