he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
