you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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