addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
