I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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