I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
