I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
