these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
