if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
