Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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