I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
