They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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