He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
